A Heart of Giving

4/9/13

Today I learned how to crochet, thanks to a very talented and patient resident. I had so much fun being a part of the "crochet club" and am quite addicted to the craft now!

I am constantly amazing by their willingness to help and teach others. Their ability to GIVE is such a blessing. Whether it be their time, their abilities, or their caring, they are always looking for ways to help others.

I hope someday, when I am very old and have perhaps lost very much, that I am able to look outside of myself and GIVE, like these dear people do daily. I will miss them so much when this internship is finished.

Not to Be Forgotten

A resident today became very unhappy, I am still unsure the reason why. I think a big reason it was his birthday and he perhaps felt depressed or forgotten. He has trouble speaking and was struggling to get his thoughts across, as well as perhaps already feeling alone. Not to mention it was a yucky morning weather-wise, although it turned to be a beautiful day!

The resident threw himself from his wheelchair and scared everyone as he tried to crawl towards the door. All the staff ran from their offices to assist. My supervisor, who already impresses me often, spent a long time listening and talking to him, even after everyone else had gone back to their work.

She motioned to me and had me blow up some balloons (thankfully after many weeks I'm finally a proficient balloon maker!) and we sang happy birthday to him. I tied the balloons to his chair and he had the biggest smile on his face.

Sometimes taking just some time from an otherwise busy day can make someone's bad day go better. I've seen this with my supervisor, no matter how busy she is, she puts the residents first. I've tried to emulate that, no matter my to do list, it's more worthwhile in the long run to stop... listen.. and show someone you care.

I am more of a task-oriented person than a people-oriented one, so this has been a very good learning experience for me. I've learned to take the time to try to brighten someone's day. Most times, I find my day ends up becoming better as well! 

Better to Have Loved (3/18/13)

Better to Have Loved

(A story of love and loss)

Based on true events, before I got there. Retold in my words based on accounts from others. Names, some details, and times changed. 

Carol smiled to herself as she knocked and entered Bill's room. She could feel her heart fluttering in her chest, normally a scary feeling for an older lady such as she, but she knew it wasn't medical reasons, but emotional ones. She was in love! Her eyes met his and he smiled that special way he did only when he saw her. Her Bill. They met at the nursing home, both single and lonely and quickly bonded.

They were not the type of romantic couple you read about. He was an ex fighter pilot, now in his 80's and battling dementia. She was a good bit older than him, she laughed when she imagined herself as a cougar.  But they had such a special bond. He kept her young and she took care of him. They gave each other purpose and happiness. What did the difference of their years matter when the product of their love equaled so much joy?

Carol frowned when she saw Bill's things being moved. She inquired of the staff and found he was being moved to the dementia ward. Like so many sad romance movies, an unhappy presence didn't want to see them together. His caretaker, the wife of his old best friend, didn't approve of their relationship: for reasons she kept to herself. Everyone had their own opinions on that, some surmised jealousy had a lot to do with it.

Carol trembled as she walked around the outside of the building until she found his window. She knocked with frail hands as she did many days. She looked at her own hand, the delicate veins running through white skin. she sighed, feeling old. Bill's face appeared. She pressed her hand against the glass and his hand pressed against hers, that glass separating them but she could still feel the glow of his special smile for her. Her hand felt young, yearning to hold his, her sweetheart's. She didn't understand why they must be separated. She  clung to these stolen moments through the window. Carol smiled though, smiled with love for him.

His caretaker moved him out. With instructions she wasn't to visit, nor was he to see her.Carol stopped smiling. Stopped living.

A month later she died. Their courtship was brief and at the end of their lives, but it was everything to her. She died. Many say she died of a broken heart. 

She waits now. Waits to be reunited with her love once more. A love that she found in her golden years and that could not be extinguished, even after death. Someday, they will be together again.

Leadership

Today the chef had a dessert demonstration and tasting for the residents. I was asked to go over to the dementia ward to see if any of them wanted to come over to watch. No one wanted to go, but two of them were strongly encouraged to go anyway. I was "given", literally, two sweet ladies to take over.

 I was walking beside them and one said "honey, we never know where we are, you're going to have to lead." Well, I am NOT a leader but I obliged. They also needed/wanted me to tell them exactly where to sit. At one point one interrupted during the demonstration "I think we're lost." I assured her she wasn't. One of them is an escaper (she has literally scaled fences), so when she had to go to the bathroom, I followed her closely. But both seemed meek and willing to follow me like ducklings.

This was a strange babysitting situation but it was sweet now much they blindly depended on me to lead them. Sometimes you're put into a moment where you have to be willing to lead, because no one else can. As I led them back to their side of the building, they both very sweetly thanked me for taking them. 

It was a good lesson in leadership for me, a follower, especially when it comes to those older than me. Sometimes you can learn as much from leading as from following.

Birthdays

Today was a fairly uneventful day which was fine, because sometimes things can get hectic around there! I mostly helped with St. Patrick's Day decorations and some office work.

Today, being the first Tuesday of the month, was a celebration of this month's birthdays. It amuses me how the circle of life works. As kids, we are so excited to tell our ages: "I am six 3/4 years old!" We're so excited to be adults at "18 years old" and "21 years old". Then, I've noticed, as people start reaching their 30s, they start being more vague about their age: "I'm in my 30s." They might even be embarrassed by their age and not want to share how many years they've been alive. The years pass and then we get older. Then, our age starts to become important again, a badge of honor. If you ask most of the residents their ages, they are proud to say "I am 94 years old!" After all, each year they "make it" to another birthday, it's quite an accomplishment. And many, especially the ones in their 100s, wear their ages like a badge of honor. In all honestly, it is a badge of honor and I love seeing the beams on their faces when they are recognized for it being their birthday. After all, you're never too old for cake and balloons!

For the record, I am 23 years and 1 month old. Give me another 60 years, and I'll start being very proud of this accomplishment of making it towards another birthday!

A New Viewpoint

Today was a humbling day. As our activity, we did hand massages for the residents. For most of the day I assumed someone would be coming in to do it but... nope. It was my supervisor, myself, and another volunteer. At first I was like "no way! I've never given a hand massage." But the joy of being a volunteer/intern means sometimes... You're it!

I actually enjoyed it more than I thought. I'm certainly no expert or even any good at it, but the residents are so sweet and thankful. I found myself getting to know several of them on a deeper level. It's a very personal experience to be kneeling at someone's feet massaging their hands, and many of them opened up to me and talked. It was very special and I love some of the new friendships I have with some of them.

The dementia ward was an interesting place to give hand massages. Some of them were confused and even unnerved by it. I upset one lady because my hands were too cold, bless her heart! Others were obediently accepting of it and enjoyed it. Another sweet lady fell asleep. One lady shocked me! I explained what I was doing (giving a hand massage). I put a small dab of lotion on her hand and, before I could stop her, she licked it off and politely thanked me. I swallowed the gasp in my throat and gently reminded her it wasn't to eat, but for your skin!

The volunteer tried to give one man a hand massage and completely freaked him out because his wife was coming and he "didn't want to upset her". What a sweet loyal man! He paced the hallway for a long time, like he does every day, waiting for her. He asked me periodically if i saw her and repeatedly wanted to know 1) where his room was (so he could get it ready for her) and 2) what door she would be coming through. She faithfully visits him every afternoon. The sweet faithfulness of that couple is admirable.

Also very admirable are the staff there. The gentleness and love they show for the residents every day is such a blessing to me. They truly care about each of them and you can see it in their faces. I'm learning so much from them!

In Their World

My most amusing moment today was while I was taking down Valentine's Day decorations. I remembered I needed to go back to the dementia hallways to see what decorations they had back there. I went back, no problem. Until I realized... you can't get back out. Not without a code. So I spent some time calmly pretending I had meant to get stuck back there until I could ask someone to let me out. I've met a handful of people suffering with Alzheimer's in the past. A whole roomful was very confusing and interesting.

I started mentally categorizing the different people I saw in there. I found there are many types - there are the Wanderers, who seem to move around constantly. Some residents get especially active towards sunset. There are the Sitters, who are the opposite, they just sit and hardly move at all. There are all types of styles of communicating: the Talkers, the Nonsense Talkers, the Musical Hummers/Singers, and the Quiet Ones, those don't communicate.

Of course one thing that dawned on me as I categorized ..something they all have in common - they are people and they have names. I think sometimes people get stuck on the "problems" a person has, both in my internship and in real life. We categorize people based on an obvious trait and sometimes don't get to know people beyond that. Oh she is a Flirt, he is a Loudmouth, etc. I know I can be guilty of this. I look forward to getting to know all the residents with dementia, no matter if they wander, sit, talk, sing, or don't talk. It was interesting being in a whole new world with them, a funny, confusing, sad, happy, and hopeful world behind the doors of the "dementia" ward. Even if I didn't mean to get temporarily stuck back there!

Today my biggest task was to make sure each resident has shadow boxes outside of their rooms. These boxes help personalize the residents' doors, as well as help them remember which room they live in. The families are encouraged to decorate the shadow boxes, but they may live far away or just haven't taken the time to do it. I found that the shadow boxes help me "see" who the residents are too. They aren't just an "old person". They have families, memories, and lives outside of the scope of the assisted living facility. In those little boxes, I saw a world: theirs.

A few of the residents didn't have their own, so I made some for them. I felt sad making them because I didn't know the resident, so I had to choose a theme I thought seemed nice. I tried to find themes that they would like or would encourage them to see. Perhaps their families will personalize them. Or perhaps, as I get to know them, I can personalize them by putting a snapshot of who they are, of their world, inside.