A Heart of Giving

4/9/13

Today I learned how to crochet, thanks to a very talented and patient resident. I had so much fun being a part of the "crochet club" and am quite addicted to the craft now!

I am constantly amazing by their willingness to help and teach others. Their ability to GIVE is such a blessing. Whether it be their time, their abilities, or their caring, they are always looking for ways to help others.

I hope someday, when I am very old and have perhaps lost very much, that I am able to look outside of myself and GIVE, like these dear people do daily. I will miss them so much when this internship is finished.

Not to Be Forgotten

A resident today became very unhappy, I am still unsure the reason why. I think a big reason it was his birthday and he perhaps felt depressed or forgotten. He has trouble speaking and was struggling to get his thoughts across, as well as perhaps already feeling alone. Not to mention it was a yucky morning weather-wise, although it turned to be a beautiful day!

The resident threw himself from his wheelchair and scared everyone as he tried to crawl towards the door. All the staff ran from their offices to assist. My supervisor, who already impresses me often, spent a long time listening and talking to him, even after everyone else had gone back to their work.

She motioned to me and had me blow up some balloons (thankfully after many weeks I'm finally a proficient balloon maker!) and we sang happy birthday to him. I tied the balloons to his chair and he had the biggest smile on his face.

Sometimes taking just some time from an otherwise busy day can make someone's bad day go better. I've seen this with my supervisor, no matter how busy she is, she puts the residents first. I've tried to emulate that, no matter my to do list, it's more worthwhile in the long run to stop... listen.. and show someone you care.

I am more of a task-oriented person than a people-oriented one, so this has been a very good learning experience for me. I've learned to take the time to try to brighten someone's day. Most times, I find my day ends up becoming better as well! 

Better to Have Loved (3/18/13)

Better to Have Loved

(A story of love and loss)

Based on true events, before I got there. Retold in my words based on accounts from others. Names, some details, and times changed. 

Carol smiled to herself as she knocked and entered Bill's room. She could feel her heart fluttering in her chest, normally a scary feeling for an older lady such as she, but she knew it wasn't medical reasons, but emotional ones. She was in love! Her eyes met his and he smiled that special way he did only when he saw her. Her Bill. They met at the nursing home, both single and lonely and quickly bonded.

They were not the type of romantic couple you read about. He was an ex fighter pilot, now in his 80's and battling dementia. She was a good bit older than him, she laughed when she imagined herself as a cougar.  But they had such a special bond. He kept her young and she took care of him. They gave each other purpose and happiness. What did the difference of their years matter when the product of their love equaled so much joy?

Carol frowned when she saw Bill's things being moved. She inquired of the staff and found he was being moved to the dementia ward. Like so many sad romance movies, an unhappy presence didn't want to see them together. His caretaker, the wife of his old best friend, didn't approve of their relationship: for reasons she kept to herself. Everyone had their own opinions on that, some surmised jealousy had a lot to do with it.

Carol trembled as she walked around the outside of the building until she found his window. She knocked with frail hands as she did many days. She looked at her own hand, the delicate veins running through white skin. she sighed, feeling old. Bill's face appeared. She pressed her hand against the glass and his hand pressed against hers, that glass separating them but she could still feel the glow of his special smile for her. Her hand felt young, yearning to hold his, her sweetheart's. She didn't understand why they must be separated. She  clung to these stolen moments through the window. Carol smiled though, smiled with love for him.

His caretaker moved him out. With instructions she wasn't to visit, nor was he to see her.Carol stopped smiling. Stopped living.

A month later she died. Their courtship was brief and at the end of their lives, but it was everything to her. She died. Many say she died of a broken heart. 

She waits now. Waits to be reunited with her love once more. A love that she found in her golden years and that could not be extinguished, even after death. Someday, they will be together again.

Leadership

Today the chef had a dessert demonstration and tasting for the residents. I was asked to go over to the dementia ward to see if any of them wanted to come over to watch. No one wanted to go, but two of them were strongly encouraged to go anyway. I was "given", literally, two sweet ladies to take over.

 I was walking beside them and one said "honey, we never know where we are, you're going to have to lead." Well, I am NOT a leader but I obliged. They also needed/wanted me to tell them exactly where to sit. At one point one interrupted during the demonstration "I think we're lost." I assured her she wasn't. One of them is an escaper (she has literally scaled fences), so when she had to go to the bathroom, I followed her closely. But both seemed meek and willing to follow me like ducklings.

This was a strange babysitting situation but it was sweet now much they blindly depended on me to lead them. Sometimes you're put into a moment where you have to be willing to lead, because no one else can. As I led them back to their side of the building, they both very sweetly thanked me for taking them. 

It was a good lesson in leadership for me, a follower, especially when it comes to those older than me. Sometimes you can learn as much from leading as from following.

Birthdays

Today was a fairly uneventful day which was fine, because sometimes things can get hectic around there! I mostly helped with St. Patrick's Day decorations and some office work.

Today, being the first Tuesday of the month, was a celebration of this month's birthdays. It amuses me how the circle of life works. As kids, we are so excited to tell our ages: "I am six 3/4 years old!" We're so excited to be adults at "18 years old" and "21 years old". Then, I've noticed, as people start reaching their 30s, they start being more vague about their age: "I'm in my 30s." They might even be embarrassed by their age and not want to share how many years they've been alive. The years pass and then we get older. Then, our age starts to become important again, a badge of honor. If you ask most of the residents their ages, they are proud to say "I am 94 years old!" After all, each year they "make it" to another birthday, it's quite an accomplishment. And many, especially the ones in their 100s, wear their ages like a badge of honor. In all honestly, it is a badge of honor and I love seeing the beams on their faces when they are recognized for it being their birthday. After all, you're never too old for cake and balloons!

For the record, I am 23 years and 1 month old. Give me another 60 years, and I'll start being very proud of this accomplishment of making it towards another birthday!

A New Viewpoint

Today was a humbling day. As our activity, we did hand massages for the residents. For most of the day I assumed someone would be coming in to do it but... nope. It was my supervisor, myself, and another volunteer. At first I was like "no way! I've never given a hand massage." But the joy of being a volunteer/intern means sometimes... You're it!

I actually enjoyed it more than I thought. I'm certainly no expert or even any good at it, but the residents are so sweet and thankful. I found myself getting to know several of them on a deeper level. It's a very personal experience to be kneeling at someone's feet massaging their hands, and many of them opened up to me and talked. It was very special and I love some of the new friendships I have with some of them.

The dementia ward was an interesting place to give hand massages. Some of them were confused and even unnerved by it. I upset one lady because my hands were too cold, bless her heart! Others were obediently accepting of it and enjoyed it. Another sweet lady fell asleep. One lady shocked me! I explained what I was doing (giving a hand massage). I put a small dab of lotion on her hand and, before I could stop her, she licked it off and politely thanked me. I swallowed the gasp in my throat and gently reminded her it wasn't to eat, but for your skin!

The volunteer tried to give one man a hand massage and completely freaked him out because his wife was coming and he "didn't want to upset her". What a sweet loyal man! He paced the hallway for a long time, like he does every day, waiting for her. He asked me periodically if i saw her and repeatedly wanted to know 1) where his room was (so he could get it ready for her) and 2) what door she would be coming through. She faithfully visits him every afternoon. The sweet faithfulness of that couple is admirable.

Also very admirable are the staff there. The gentleness and love they show for the residents every day is such a blessing to me. They truly care about each of them and you can see it in their faces. I'm learning so much from them!

In Their World

My most amusing moment today was while I was taking down Valentine's Day decorations. I remembered I needed to go back to the dementia hallways to see what decorations they had back there. I went back, no problem. Until I realized... you can't get back out. Not without a code. So I spent some time calmly pretending I had meant to get stuck back there until I could ask someone to let me out. I've met a handful of people suffering with Alzheimer's in the past. A whole roomful was very confusing and interesting.

I started mentally categorizing the different people I saw in there. I found there are many types - there are the Wanderers, who seem to move around constantly. Some residents get especially active towards sunset. There are the Sitters, who are the opposite, they just sit and hardly move at all. There are all types of styles of communicating: the Talkers, the Nonsense Talkers, the Musical Hummers/Singers, and the Quiet Ones, those don't communicate.

Of course one thing that dawned on me as I categorized ..something they all have in common - they are people and they have names. I think sometimes people get stuck on the "problems" a person has, both in my internship and in real life. We categorize people based on an obvious trait and sometimes don't get to know people beyond that. Oh she is a Flirt, he is a Loudmouth, etc. I know I can be guilty of this. I look forward to getting to know all the residents with dementia, no matter if they wander, sit, talk, sing, or don't talk. It was interesting being in a whole new world with them, a funny, confusing, sad, happy, and hopeful world behind the doors of the "dementia" ward. Even if I didn't mean to get temporarily stuck back there!

Today my biggest task was to make sure each resident has shadow boxes outside of their rooms. These boxes help personalize the residents' doors, as well as help them remember which room they live in. The families are encouraged to decorate the shadow boxes, but they may live far away or just haven't taken the time to do it. I found that the shadow boxes help me "see" who the residents are too. They aren't just an "old person". They have families, memories, and lives outside of the scope of the assisted living facility. In those little boxes, I saw a world: theirs.

A few of the residents didn't have their own, so I made some for them. I felt sad making them because I didn't know the resident, so I had to choose a theme I thought seemed nice. I tried to find themes that they would like or would encourage them to see. Perhaps their families will personalize them. Or perhaps, as I get to know them, I can personalize them by putting a snapshot of who they are, of their world, inside.

Compassion

Instead of always just monologue about my duties  for the day, which can at times be boring, I decided to think of a theme for each internship day. Today I want to talk about compassion and concern for others.

Many of the residents at my internship are dealing with physical, mental, and emotional limitations. They have lived a lot of life and have stories that I can't imagine. Despite this, their ability to feel and show compassion for others continues to impress me. I've often seen residents, in walkers themselves, try to help someone else who is in a walker or wheelchair navigate to a seat. They are concerned about the health of each other, despite their own health concerns. 

This compassion also applies to me, the new face in the place who also is extremely young compared to many there. I was touched by many of their welcoming smiles, helpful advice, and concern for me. 

One of my projects today was to obtain signatures for photograph release. Residents and staff were very helpful in my lost in the maze of rooms (no wonder they sometimes forget where they live!) One sweet lady asked, "How may I help you dear?" when she saw me standing helplessly in one of the hallways (a sense of direction has never been one of my assets). Another woman was concerned about me meeting some of the grumpier residents. And yes, there were some grumpier ones, but haven't we all had those days where we don't want to see anyone, do anything, and certainly don't want to sign anything!

While putting together a bulletin board, many stopped to tell me what a great job I was doing. I am absolutely not being humble when I say creativity is not a strong suit of mine, so they were being very compassionate and kind (and possibly guilty of exaggeration a bit!) in their praise. I had a couple of gentlemen who were VERY concerned about me being on a rickety step ladder. One man was so concerned and worried that a nurse's aide had to reassure him that I was fine "See, she's wearing flat shoes!"  I thought it was so sweet they worried about my safety, someone they barely know, while they often fall or hurt themselves. 

While serving punch at a hulu dance demonstration, one lady worriedly asked, "I wonder if they could get you a platter so you didn't have to keep running back and forth!" I assured her I didn't mind the exercise. Once again, a show of compassion. By the way the hulu dancing was so entertaining that for five minutes I convinced myself that I was going to learn to hulu dance and make it a hobby ... until I realized you had to be graceful. It was fun to hand out leis to everyone and seeing how much they enjoyed the little party. Some of the people from the dementia hall came up and they were well-behaved (for the most part) and very interested by the different music and dances. I don't know what I liked more, the hulu presentation or watching the residents' reactions to it.

Anyway, back to compassion. What a lesson to all of us... many people I know are are young and healthy. We have independence and our whole lives ahead of us ... how often do we stop to show compassion or give a helping hand? I know I don't do it enough. These wise seniors are once again teaching me a valuable life lesson by their examples ... an example of compassion and concern for others. Our bodies and minds may fade... but you're never too old, or too young, to show compassion.

Intro and Day One

Today was my first full day at my internship in a nursing home. I have had a few short days, 2-3 hours at a time, but today was my first official day. Tuesdays are my days for my internship, so Tuesdays are very exciting for me! Because I am a senior in college and my internship is with senior citizens at a nursing home, I decided to call this blog "My Senior Moment". 

Before I go further, I am going to briefly introduce myself. I’m not going to spend much time describing myself because I suppose you’ll get to know me as you see the internship experience through “my eyes”. That or you already know who I am! I enjoy long walks on the beach, have three fish tanks, love dogs, and…oh…that’s probably not what you need to know right now.

This is my last semester of my undergraduate degree in psychology at Liberty University. I am going to graduate in May! I am 23 years old today (February 5). I am juggling work, school (2 classes counting my internship course), church, family and friends, pets, and my supportive fiancé (I keep telling myself I CAN’T start planning a wedding until I graduate!) I’m probably juggling more that I can’t remember at the moment which does, in fact, show how overwhelmed I am right now. However, I am also very blessed and incredibly happy!

Anyway, back to my internship. Today was my first official long day and I was very nervous. What if one of them hates me? What if I don’t know how to help a resident? What if I do something idiotic and am fired (can you be fired from a nonpaying internship? Probably!) I went into the nursing home (I am going to withhold the name of the place for privacy issues) and signed in to the volunteer book. I am a volunteer “on the books”, as I am their first intern.

I spent the first couple of hours observing music therapy, which I found quite interesting. There are two areas of the nursing home, one for “regular” residents and another for those suffering with dementia. The music therapy in the ward for residents with dementia was especially interesting. They can be very much in their own world, seemingly hard to connect with, but when the music began, they started showing expression, talking, singing, becoming involved, and there was even dancing! One sweet lady got up with her walker, sang a little song she made up, and did a little dance. You go girl! I am someone with no dancing experience, so I was impressed by the sweet lady with a walker…she busted moves I could never do! The topic today was love, because Valentine’s Day is coming. A gentleman sitting next to me confided that he had two women right now, but “I just cannot decide which of ‘em I like the best.  I change my mind every day. Suppose I’m going to have to choose soon.” I looked around the room wondering which of these women his potential lady loves were, but I have to conclude perhaps he was making a story for himself or remembering the past. I was very impressed by music therapy when it comes to helping those with dementia, and I cannot wait to see more sessions in the future and become more involved. Maybe I’ll even learn how to bust a move.

I spent more of my day doing office work. My big project was sorting movies between musicals and others…since most of these movies were made long before I was born, it was a challenge! However, some of them looked very interesting! I made a mental note to look for some titles for date nights with my fiancé. The music and movies I saw and heard today made me realize I’ve missed out by only watching and listening to things from the past 20 years! I need to look before that for some wonderful stories and melodies that are enriching and fun!

We also had a birthday party for February birthdays. I didn’t tell them it was my birthday today, mainly because 23 years old seems very unimportant and not impressive compared to 80, 90, and even 103 year old birthdays! I handed out drinks and cake and got to know some of the residents. They were all very polite and sweet. There was one couple where the gentleman was very attentive to his more frail wife. He fed her cake with a shaky hand and made sure her every need was met. Her gaze was one of someone who was faded, tired, and far away. However, that didn’t stop him from lovingly rubbing her arm and the love on his face for her was wonderful to behold…like she was the only person in the world. I imagine that she is his world.

These people, the staff, volunteers, and residents have taught me a lot already. I know some days will be hard and challenging. I also know some days will be memories I hang onto for the rest of my life, until I am their age. I am excited to see what all I am going to experience and learn through my experience during "my senior moment".